Hi friends,
I'll bet some of you may know the Hot Hot Hot story about me this about 2 weeks ago and maybe some of you guys have no idea. Recently, dira and my family kena tipu tipu lagi... (ayat dari peserta raja lawak, but i only remembered this trademark, other contestants i cant remember)
Last year 7/12/2009 i fall in love with this guy, his name we just say it G here okie.. But we broke up on the 21/3/2011 after 1 year and 3 bulan 13 hari bersama. It all started when dira punye HOT temper mula itu pun bukan sebab sengaja nak marah-marah.. I guess he cant stand it.. But i think it was normal when girls in a not stable hormones. So he cant take it, he go and tell his mum at first, suddenly came his 1st lover (1st ex-gf), whom have been contacting him accidently, he tells her and she gave him some advices. But i cant really see it as a big problem in our relationship, because usually when we had a fight we always settle it there and then that time, i thought it was over already but he took it seriously deep deep serious.
Then, out of no where early of March 2011, we talked as usual on the phone 24/7, but i notice something weird with him, he is ignoring me and i kept asking "Sayang where are you? what are you doing??". I dont know why but i guess again he knows how i felt.. so the next day, he called me up and he said,
G : "G rasa dira mesti pikir knape G been ignoring you?" of course i was surprise that he knew how i felt..
G: "Dira semalam G bagitahu mak pasal dira!"
N: "Ye ke, sayang crite apa?? mak cakap apa??"
G: "G crite pasal family dira, pasal dira, and i also told her about your temper, yang dira marahmarah G"
N: "What!!, Why did you told her all that, bukan ke itu boleh buat mak rasa macam tak sedap, mesti lepas ni if dira jumpa dia, she will think, ouh ni laa budak pompuan yang suke marah-marah anak aku, mana ada mak yang suke, kenapa G buat macam tu kat dira?"
G: "G buat macam tu sebab G dah tak tahu nak cerita kat siapa? Fikiran G kusut"
N: "Kalau ye pun, bagi tahu S ke (kawan baik G), habis tu apa mak cakap?"
G: "Tak mau laa cakap kat S, dia busy.. Mak cakap G kena fikirkan relationship ni baik-baik, ni untuk masa depan G, kalau tak pun suruh dira berubah... (paused kejap) Boleh dira berubah untuk G"
Saya fikir-fikir punye banyak fikir then saya letak telephone and call member bestfriend saya bernama I.
I: "Nadh aku rasa dia buat macam tu sebab dia rapat dengan mum dia kut, ko kena laa berubah jangan temper sangat, aku tengok ko temper aku pun takut"
Saya fikir demi relationship ini dan kasih sayang saya.... then...
N: "G dira akan berubah demi masa depan kita dan sebab dira sayang G" (actually sometimes i got so Hot temper is for me showing, when i get married i am like this) hehe...
G: "Terima kasih dira, G hargai semua tu and G sayang dira juga, tapi G nak tanya dira, if laa family dira semua tak suke G, tapi demi cinta apa dira akan buat?"
N: "Dira akan put my foot down and said that i love him, and i want to marry him, sebab dira ni jenis if dira nak sesuatu dira nak jugak"
G: "Dira if break dengan G, dira ada penganti tak tuk G?"
N: "Mesti la tak ada, dira takde pun simpan sesiapa in my life besides you, kenapa G tanya soalan macam ni, dira tak suka laa"
G: "Hah!! tak de pape laa sayang... Saje je G nak tanya, Sorry"
So, it was ok again, the weekends later we went to see movies on Saturday we watched "World's invasion" and on Sunday we watched Merong Mahawangsa. The date was perfect, no rivalry, we talked and i was in my usual mood happy, but sometimes i can see on his face looks kinda bit different, it's like he is thinking of something but he just doesn't want to express it.
Frankly, i can feel different in all ways, the way we talked and the actions, but i didnt say anything because i love him too much. I changed a lot that past few weeks i was always in a good mood and he even notice it. What i had promise, i really did it.. I control most of my temper..
G: "Dira, G nampak sayang dah berubah sekarang, and i like it, always be like this, promise me sayang?"
D: "i promise"
G: "Nanti minggu depan G balik melaka, G bagi tau mak ok.."
On 19/3/2011, G went back to Melaka on the evening, after a long day of spending time with me that morning at IOI mall. I missed him already at that time, because spending time only for a while, but i always told him family first. So, when he arrive to Melaka, i did not know what had happen there, he didn't text me saying where have he been and all.. so i assuming he was with his parents. So i waited till that night, i ask him whether he had told his mum or not bout i've changed and he said,
G: "G tak tahu la dira, bile G sampai melaka mak masam jer, macam tak mau cakap dengan G, tak tahu pasal apa, tapi bila petang macam tu F (his sister) panggil G mak nak kuar then G pun keluar laa, (i cant remember where, but it was somewhere)
N: "Okie, cuba sayang cakap dekat mak G, perlahan tanya G ada buat salah kat mak ke? and then if you tell her bout me baru la ok sikit"
So the night ended, just like that. The next day, he called he said what am i doing, at that time i dont think i was doing something, it's either i sat at home watching TV or went out with my parents. Then he said was in his room, looking at the fan, fikir apa la nasib aku ni. So we chat for few minutes, he said he was thinking bout us and he said actually his mum already have her own pilihan hati for G. I was crying when i heard that.
Then he said not to worry cause he is going to talk to his mum. Later that night he call me up, G cakap he already talked to his mum and his mum cried cause he wants G to be there Melaka and if he marries me she will lost him because i'm staying in KL, she wants a menantu yang duduk dekat melaka so that the menantu can take care of the parents. I said to G, do he really know what a peranan isteri kepada suami dan keluarga. If my husband wants me to stay at Melaka why do i need to rebel? I must obey.
He said,
G: "G tak tahu la dira apa G nak buat sekarang ni, mak dah nangis-nangis, sebab dia kata G dah kurang ajar tak dengar dia cakap"
N: "Abesh pasni G nak buat apa?"
G: "Dira bagi G masa tuk pikirkan boleh, besok kita cakap lagi ok, G nak tidur"
The next day, 20/3/2011, I went to work as usual, everything was OK for at the moment, suddenly i got a msg at my facebook, by G ex-gf name Sy (the 2006 ex-gf), she said in the msg, she thinks i need to go check a msg at G facebook (where it's been months i did not open), there's something about me that doesn't look good, G and his sis in law Z talking bout me at my back. Immediately i open my iphone facebook, i saw it was a long conversation (because it was too long so i only look at some parts only) and it stated all the bad things bout me. But because in hp i only see the important msg only, i didnt read it until finish. He said bout this girl name A and how pretty she is, the type of wife he wants to be married to.. and so so soooo on... i got mad. I ran outside of the office and yelled at G, "WHO IS A???" he explains, thats the girl that his mum been talking about... i ask him DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?? he said YES but he needs to think bout it.. i was depressed at that time he said "can we talk later bout this later". So i said "G buat la apa G kena buat, i cant think at this point". In the office, while i was doing my work i cried and cried quietly.
That night supposedly, there's a karaoke birthday celebration at Redbox with my boss i was not in a mood that night. Actually, my heart and head just want to talk to G and know the answer. I feel i want to cry, i ask my boss that can i go back home early, because im not feeling good. But my friends ask me to sing 1 song only before i go back, and then i sang "Kelly Clarkson, a moment like this, on the 1st verse as i was singing, suddenly i cant take it and i cry... (menangis tersedu-sedu, sedih tul, hahaha) Then immediately, without hesitate, my boss ask me to go home and I did.
As i was at home i texted G that im at home, he called me later then, we talked bout what just happen. He said he needs time to think bout us or he can decide to break up with me "demi MAK and FAMILY". I said, "i will wait i dont want to loose you". He said at the moment, i cant call him up, contact him for awhile. "But if G rindu boleh G datang jumpa?". i said "BOLEH", but i ask him "berapa lama dira kena tunggu jawapan G". He said months maybe. I cried and cried and cried.. i ask him is this a "BREAK UP SEMENTARA". He said, "Jangan cakap macam tu ini bukan break up ni cume to let me think" i ask him to do sembahyang istihara. He said he will. So we ended the conversation that night with Goodnight and i love you so much. I solat and solat and ask ALLAH what should i do, please give me signs to our relationship. I cried and cried and cried like a mad person again, even i talked to myself in my room, talked to the MR.Teddy he gave me (i was a crazy person for a moment) until i sleep and the next day after solat subuh, i talked to the MR.Teddy again and again... "Why do you this to me, do you love me Mr Teddy Why" omg... crazyyy!! scaryyy ok....
On the 22/3/2011, I pray and pray untill after solat maghrib, i was in the office waiting for the next shift then later came my officemate, she said to me, "dira aku rasa aku nak baca conversation G balik, i think what G is doing is soo wrong. I think there's something he is hiding. i want to read again the conversation between him and his sis in law Z." i persuade not to read it, but then i feel that maybe what she might be right... because i didnt read all of the conversation. So open it and save it in pdf format and read it one by one.
I was skeptical with his actions and reactions. Almost everything was the bad thing bout me and my parents and only the good things was about this girl name A. He even said in the conversations about, he went to Genting 16/3/2011 with his ex-gf "A" and A's sister and how he wish he can cuddled her and his in law supports him and she was a batu api on the conversations. He said to me he have to go to muar to go work.. (HE LIED) If you read the conversations, it is just not the way G always be. He even lied to me bout the his family and mother didn't like me.. It was all lies. It was nasty. As i read 1 quarter of the story i cant take it, so i left the computer and my friends finished the reading of it. I went back home and i told my mum everything. She was mad and she ask me to take everything that he owes us. I went upstairs after chit chat with mak and after being a bit wise in my actions. I called G up, and said to him very softly, nicely and a bit of sarcastic, i ask for break up because that's what he wants. I heard his voice a bit sad and i think i hear tears hehehe....
The next day, i posted in my facebook, "if there's anyone who wants to read the conversation (that showed how the true skin color of G) please give me your email". It was like a tsunami for a while in my facebook. Almost all girls and boys feel the pain i am receiving and almost everybody supports me. They gave me good advices and really makes me feel moved from all of then.. After all that, i slept very well like i already let go a burden in my life. I go with my life as a single and available girl. I was already lost hope in finding love. I told my mum, i want my parents to find my soulmate. Im tired.
But sometimes it is hard to deal with my heart, i sometimes think bout my past with G, How would i let go this love i gave to him? I sometimes also thinks ALLAH is showing that you cannot love guys more than you love ALLAH. My mistake was to love him so much with all my heart and soul. I think ALLAH is saving me from what was not mine.
To G: I am sorry i made you feel hurt because published the secret between you and your sis in law Z. Eveybody needs to know. Because i dont want you to hurt other girls just the way you hurt all your ex-gf.. and i am not happy of what you told your friends because they said my friends and family didnt know better. You dont love me then stop saying lies about me. I hope you feel how im feeling right now. All your 10'000 promises are all lies. I always think do you really love me the past 1 year ago?? What do you think i am?? And G dira ingat lagi bila dira tanya "Kenapa G buat semua ni kat dira?" you said, "sebab G memang saje nak buat dira benci G" there's always good way to break up.. But you took a disgrace way and i give you a vengence way. Thank you but i really really benci G..
Thank you,
xoxo
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