Always not easy to take it~

Assalammualaikum friends,

Before nadirah wrote this, i read all of the previous writings, i ask myself, 'should i cry or i should be strong'.. it is not easy even when i think i am happy.. guess that happiness with a little torn in the heart would heal itself. He left me.................................................... unspoken.... unknown status.....

I actually don't want to spill it out what really happen to my life now, what really happen few months ago.. i wont i promise, i wont spill it out.. but the truth is that, it did not work between me and husband. Till today, whatever happens few months ago, haunts me.. before i go to sleep, i would look at my side 'empty'.. and looking at that pillow, i see pasts.. i see 'where is this husband? what happen?'.. It's not that i miss him, no im not.. i miss that title of a husband beside me. 

and then....

Every married woman dreams of having their own baby.. why o why o why would i go in tears when i see mothers with babies...
i always 'berangan' of having my own baby but guess it's not my time yet, just not the right time...

At hard times like this, i wish i could share with you guys.. but i made a promise to him i will not tell, he said that dira membuka aib dia.. 'CERITA laaaa pergi laaaa CERITA....'

Until this case is still not settle, i will keep quiet, keep that distance... but once it's over people will ask and i will tell the truth...

For my family, im sorry that these things happens, but i know ALLAH SWT is the greatest, AR RAHMAN AR RAHIM, have faith that this is for the best for me, my family, friends and everyone.

May ALLAH bless us all... May this case between me and him ends well.. insyaALLAH aamiin...

xoxo